Alam kong ang tagal kong nawala, sobrang dami kasi ng dapat unahin. Kailangan isalba ang semestre sa loob ng iilang araw at pagtuonan ang mga bagay na para sa sarili. Susubukan kong mag-update mas madalas kaysa nitong mga nakaraang buwan kung papayagan ng internet connection namin na sobrang bagaaaaaaal.
Iiwanan ko sa inyo ang litrato ng pinakamamahal kong unibersidad, halos mabaliw man ako sa loob nito tuwing hell week(s) pero, naroon pa rin ang pagkalinga niya na parang isang magulang.
*listening to I Don’t Trust Myself (With Loving You) by John Mayer*
I’m kind of reading Fifty Shades of Grey these past few days though I decided when I was still in high school that I shall only read this book if I’m ready. I guess being eighteen makes you think you’re ready. *laughs*
I’m writing a post about it, am I making a huge deal out of this? *laughs nervously* But really, there are A LOT of scenes that make the atmosphere hot and heavy, I get it. My sister said that mothers who are waiting for their child’s football practice to be over only read these books. I thought maybe, these it really not for me as of now (which is a junior high school-er back then).
After all these comments are said and I finished (kind of) reading the book, all I can think of is how really really really hot Christian Grey is. That’s it. I’m kidding, the truth is I like how strong Christian and Anastasia’s feelings for each other. It makes me wonder if that really exist in the real world where I am clumsily living and trying to survive because if it does, darling, I’m really scared. I think it will cost me too much to fall in love. Dude! I am already smiling for no damn reason and even while washing the dishes because of this swooning lad from a book (which is, of course, Mr. Grey). What more for a person who breathes oxygen the same as me in real life?! I’m doomed.
What if I came across someone from the streets of UP or I bumped into him while refilling a cup of gravy? From the looks of things right now, I’m willing throw away everything out of the window if I met him. Really. (And by him, I mean, someone I have a relationship with or understanding or even interesting for me in a deeper level rather than just being an ‘ultimate crush’).
Maybe I’m thinking too much at once, that’s what happens when I have the time in my hands. The only good thing about this is Grey helped me moved on with my life and he turned my attention to a different direction (but a new direction *winks*), away from the assumption that this someone and I are more than friends. (!!!WHICH IS CLEARLY NOT THE CASE!!!)
Oh well, laters baby.
Just like that, one week has gone past. Before you know it, the rest of the second semester will come crashing down at you. It will be exciting and tiring at the same time. It will make you want to poke your eyes out because there is too little sleep or because you watched two movies on a school night. Yeah, like the second one is even an option but it is! We procrastinate whenever we can. 😛
I have found the best sisig in LB. Dude, it has the right amount of everything in it. I want to marry it. It was really really good. Damn, I’m fangirling over sisig. This is real.
***I’m jumping from one thought to another but thank the universe there are paragraph.***
I have never been this far from my family. Alone and on my own, five hours away from home (oh it rhymes and it’s not from a song I tell you). It’s nice to feel the vibe of freedom and all but at night before I close my eyes and drift away, I’ll think about my home, my family and the noise one’s making because he can’t find the remote. These things will make you miss everyone you know because let’s face it, in college you’re alone. Yes, you’ll have friends but there are things you have to do and learn all by yourself. That’s why college can make or break you. It’s all up to you and your choices.
As of now, college is breaking me. It is shattering me into smaller pieces than my true self. I have been having doubts if I can ‘survive’ the UP life when I feel like everyone is better than me. Admitting this confession to a public audience is already strange to me because I always thought that showing weakness is a big mistake. Here I am telling you, how weak and lost this current version of Alec is. College has a strange effect to me, I know.
Give me time to bounce back a lot stronger and determined than this. I can and will adapt to this environment and conquer this kingdom I once feared. I surely will because if there’s one thing concrete I know about myself is that, I can adapt. I just need the time and right kind of inspiration to rearrange my thoughts and trash my doubts. I’m still looking for that inspiration as of today but I know I’ll find it somewhere. Maybe it’s in Freedom Park, on the seats in D. L. Umali, in the rich taste of choco milk or maybe in the arms of Oble. When I finally found it, I’ll get back to you and share the experience.
These are the words of my unsure self, the doubts of my dubious mind and the broken determination of my being.
P. S.
This drama post may be the effect of getting a low score on my IT I lecture quiz last week. I’m sorry.
The Mishaps and Adventures 